JaggaJagga management asked me to review the movie Avatar. As the reader you should know I am really not motivated to do so. However, since I owe Jagga some money I’m inclined to do so…Ok, Avatar. It was an OK movie. And I can say right now if you’ve seen Star Wars, Pocahontas and maybe even the Matrix you’ve already seen Avatar.
Here’s why: An unknown (Luke Skywalker / The marine in Avatar) gets taken out of their element and put into a situation where they transform from a nobody to an unlikely leader of their people and rally their people to prevent an evil group (The Empire / Mining corporation) from imposing their will on the good / free people. And in both cases against all odds and an overwhelming force the underdog prevails.
Also, the Death Star was basically a "have genocide will travel" machine. The act of wanting to build it showed the intention of the Empire saw / used genocide as a last resort to non-compliance. (As evident in Avatar)
Both the Empire and the Corporation in Avatar wanted compliance from the natives (aka False God complex.) The mineral the mining corp. desired was the why of the story arc but the general plot was how.
Also, if you really want to look into crazy details between the two films:
Both "good guys" used a similar spiritual power (the force / mother nature)
The large machine weapons that the bad guys walked around the woods in were basically imperial walkers in practice. And James Cameron saved a few bucks because he used the same ones that were used in the Matrix. Compare the two…it’s an un-original rip-off.
Oh as to the Pocahontas reference the cliff note version of this comparison is: Nature; Good, Whitey; Bad.
I'm not saying Avatar was a bad movie, it just wasn't very original.
Star Wars, Avatar, and the Matrix even; can all thank Joseph Campbell's use of hero's journey.
Ok, so now you know what’s going to happen in the movie. You’re still forced to see the freaking movie because if you don’t society will consider you a social miscreant; an outcast similar to a guy who quit his wall street job moved into the woods and had lovely marriage ceremony with a raccoon.
For some reason (money) every few years Hollywood makes a movie like this. A water cooler movie, a movie that every one needs to see and even more annoyingly everyone needs to talk to each other about. Forget about the story lines, the shitty acting and glaring flaws in the plot this movie was designed to a movie for everyone. Not something everyone will enjoy, but will have something everyone will want to talk about. For men it will be the action and special effects. For woman, the love story and the beautiful representation of nature. For Democrats and dirty hippies alike it’s a cautionary tale of how were fucking up the environment, global warming rabble rabble rabble. For Republicans / Tea Baggers (By the way leave it to Republicans to soil a word that was previously used to describe a very dirty sexual act…but I digress) it’s just another example of how Hollywood is trying to push their leftwing agenda (Genocide is bad, anti God, anti business pro nature and probably something else.) And Independents and libertarians were simply too high too had noticed or cared and thought Avatar was the single greatest episode of the smurfs to date.
The people who love this movie are acting as if Jesus Christ returned (and apparently as the fourth member of the blue man group) and the people who hate this movie think this movie is Hollywood propaganda with a tree hugging message. The fucker made a BILLION dollars. No one can make a billion dollars in this world and not have large amount of people either loving the ground you walk on or plotting your demise. The reality is Hollywood orchestrated this.
Side note: Oddly enough the most sensible review of Avatar so far actually came from L'Osservatore Romano the official newspaper of the Vatican who called it “…..bland, clichéd and overly-sentimental…… though, that the "spectacle" of the film was worth the price of a cinema ticket.” That’s about right.
As I said before this movie is an ok movie. ****Spoiler Alert**** The rejects for the blue man group beat whitey. But since I’m writing this review about a month after Avatar came out; if you didn’t already know this then I wish you and your raccoon wife a very happy life because I don’t feel like getting stabbed. There will be a second movie probably called “The Empire Strikes Back” (and third…fourth…fifth, probably an animated feature, a prequel, and conventions where people put on blue paint and theorize how many times it would take to watch the 19 hour directors cut of the DVD until the meet a real live girl…etc, etc, etc.)
However, I can tell you one thing I am looking forward to. There is bound to be a porn spoof in the genre of “SpiderBabe” or “Lord of the G Strings”. Personally I would call it “Vaginatar.”
Final note: I saw the regular version of the movie NOT the 3-D version. I’ve taken acid before and have no desire to repeat this process.
-The Condor
Opinions of the Condor are not of JaggaJagga.com
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